Understanding Relational Trauma

Relational trauma is a term used to describe the damage caused by toxic relationships. It can occur when someone you care about and trust turns on you or a loved one. This can be especially painful when the relationship turns toxic because of repeated abuse and neglect, gaslighting, or love bombing. It can be difficult for the victim to get away from the poisonous individual for various reasons, such as financial dependence, fear of retaliation, or a lack of support. A good old trauma bond will also keep someone in a toxic relationship.

Relational trauma can have a profound impact on a person's mental health and well-being. Those who are more susceptible to relational trauma often have a history of childhood trauma or neglect. They may struggle with issues such as low self-esteem, healthy boundaries, anxiety, and depression. Additionally, they may tend to blame themselves for the toxic relationship, which can further exacerbate their trauma. What all victims had in common was two super traits of agreeableness and conscientiousness. Some people use the term Empath to describe these individuals.

Agreeableness is one of the five major personality traits in psychology. It is often associated with kindness, empathy, cooperation, and compassion toward others. Individuals who score high in agreeableness tend to prioritize harmony and are typically considerate and trusting. While these qualities are generally positive and contribute to healthy interpersonal relationships, they can also make highly agreeable individuals vulnerable in certain situations, particularly in relationships with narcissists.

Empaths, who naturally possess a heightened sensitivity to the emotions of others, often exhibit high levels of agreeableness. This trait can become a double-edged sword when an empath finds themselves in a toxic relationship with a narcissist. Narcissists are characterized by their excessive self-focus, lack of empathy, and often manipulative behavior. They may exploit the empath's agreeableness, taking advantage of their willingness to forgive, desire to avoid conflict, and inclination to put others' needs before their own. This dynamic can lead to an imbalanced relationship where the narcissist's needs and desires continually overshadow the empath's well-being.

The negative impact on the empath in such a relationship can be profound. Constantly trying to appease the narcissist can lead to emotional exhaustion, a diminished sense of self-worth, and chronic stress. The empath might internalize the narcissist's criticisms and manipulations, leading to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Over time, this can erode the empath's mental health and overall happiness. Therefore, while agreeableness is a commendable trait, empaths must recognize the importance of setting boundaries and protecting their emotional health, especially in the presence of a narcissistic partner.

It is essential to seek help if you or someone you know is experiencing relational trauma. Therapy can be a powerful tool for healing from this type of trauma. It can help individuals learn how to set healthy boundaries, build self-esteem, and develop coping skills to manage the aftermath of a toxic relationship. Remember that healing takes time and patience, but moving forward and thriving with the proper support is possible.

Conscientiousness is a personality trait characterized by a high level of thoughtfulness, reasonable impulse control, and goal-directed behaviors. People who score high on conscientiousness tend to be organized, mindful of details, and responsible. In relationships, these qualities can be incredibly beneficial, especially when dealing with the complexities of daily life and maintaining a healthy partnership. However, when interacting with toxic individuals, such as narcissists, conscientiousness can be a double-edged sword.

On the positive side, conscientious individuals may initially navigate relationships with narcissists more effectively due to their organized and responsible nature. They are likely to try to understand and meet the needs of their partners, fostering a supportive environment. Their commitment to maintaining harmony and working through conflicts can sometimes help mitigate the immediate friction that comes with dealing with a narcissistic personality. Additionally, their reliability and consistency can provide a stabilizing force in an otherwise tumultuous relationship.

However, the very traits that make conscientious individuals strong partners can also be exploited in relationships with narcissists. Narcissistic individuals often possess a sense of entitlement and a lack of empathy, which can lead them to take advantage of the conscientious person's loyalty and sense of duty. The conscientious partner may find themselves constantly accommodating the narcissist's demands, often at the expense of their well-being. They may struggle to set boundaries, fear conflict, or believe they can "fix" the relationship through sheer effort. This can lead to a cycle of manipulation and emotional exhaustion, where the conscientious individual continually gives without receiving the same level of respect and consideration in return.

In conclusion, while conscientiousness can bring many strengths to a relationship, it can also make individuals vulnerable when paired with a narcissistic partner. It's crucial for conscientious individuals to recognize the signs of a toxic relationship and to prioritize their own mental and emotional health.

Support is complex to find when you are subjected to insidiously cruel treatment. No one believes that someone could behave that way. This only happens in the movies. And that, my dear, is precisely how the narcissist has designed it. To make you look crazy and them out to look like the victim. It is an evil game that these individuals play with other people's lives to maintain the facade of the double life they lead and to destroy something they are incapable of achieving themselves, like compassion, success, and peace.

I grew up in a family filled with addicts and narcissists. Throughout my adult life, I have recreated the chaos and drama of those childhood experiences until I was finally hurt enough that I said NO MORE! Are you ready to heal, finally? To leave the chaos behind and learn to live in peace? That is not easy, but it is worth the work.